Ya know?
Over the last few months I’ve only posted random car stuff and nothing lately of whats been on my mind expect building a good reputation as a painter/car guy, figured I’d ad onto the million posts about personal ramblings so here it goes.
Since I’ve reconnected with Jay, let the past be the past and start to make sense of what the world is, I took a look back at all the people I have met and lost over the years as well as the bands I have played for and started; high school bands were cool for the time but the one that stands out as those “wtf was I thinking” bands was a post high school band and most of you know where Im going with this.
One of the things that pissed me off most about a former friend and band mate was their family saying among how two faced they were “Stay humble” yet they talk shit on just about everyone, every band and everything with a huge ego to back it up yet with almost nothing to show on their end. Promise after promise with a member feeding this image that they are “chosen by God” to show the world what “real” music is and its THEIR opinion that really matters and the end of the day…. Really? Pull your head out of your ass! 10 years down the road and you’re still sitting there judging everyone yet get all butt hurt when someone judges you.
It was after that I began to remember that pissed off kid I was in high school along with every short lived speed metal band I was a part of; not wanting to be trendy or trying to be famous, it was just an outlet for what ever teen-aged angst I was feeling at that time. After thinking “wow he is still a blind arrogant douche-bag thats when I decided to really put into full force one last try, give it one last go before its too late. Ive assumed the roll of lead vocals in Human Pride as well as split the lead guitar duties with Jay not just to satisfy my need to make music, not to just see what we can come up with now that my running dog is back in the band but to finally shut those damn fools up! Youre NOT some God chosen band to save the world, youre a lost fool chasing some dream that you cant capture anymore and refuse to let go. You claim to be versatile yet only can talk about a few subjects which ALL revolve around a fantasy love match situation. Guess what dude, youre not getting any younger and your looks are fading. Maybe its time this “damaged” faced guy can show you what the hell it means to play from the heart and be REAL.
That pissed off kid I was grew up and found a whole load of other reasons to still be pissed off. Youre floating at the top of that list and its time former band mates had a show down.
ARE YOU WITH THE RIGHT PARTNER?
This isnt mine but found it to be very true
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During a seminar, a woman asked,” How do I know if I am with the right person?”
The author then noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so he said, “It depends. Is that your partner?” In all seriousness, she answered “How do you know?” Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it’s weighing on your mind
replied the author.
Here’s the answer.
Every relationship has a cycle… In the beginning; you
fall in love with your partner. You anticipate their calls,
want their touch, and like their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love wasn’t hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn’t have to DO anything. That’s why it’s called “falling” in love.
People in love sometimes say, “I was swept of my feet.”Picture the expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something happened TO YOU.
Falling in love is a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few months or years of being together, the euphoria of love fades. It’s a natural cycle of EVERY relationship.
Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse’s idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship; you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.
At this point, you and/or your partner might start asking, “Am I with the right person?” And as you reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you
may begin to desire that experience with someone
else. This is when relationships breakdown.
The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; it’s learning to love the person you found.
People blame their partners for their unhappiness and look outside for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes.
Infidelity is the most common. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your relationship. It lies within it.
I’m not saying that you couldn’t fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you’d feel better. But you’d be in the same situation a few years later.
Because (listen carefully to this):
The key to succeeding in a Relationship is not finding the right person; it’s learning to love the Person you found.
SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. You have to work on it day in and day out. It takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it demands WISDOM. You have to know
WHAT TO DO to make it work. Make no mistake about it.
Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your partner), Just as there are physical laws Of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. If you know how to apply these laws, the results are predictable.
Love is therefore a “decision”. Not just a feeling.
Remember this always: God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let GO! ♥
My mind of madness Pt 1 of 2
Well it’s been a while since I have had time to just sit down with my thoughts being so busy these days. New neighbors are pretty damn cool, we get along just fine and I think I could pretty much hang with Nick (new guy next door) pretty much any time; we really are cut from the same cloth as the saying goes. Ive been super busy with learning all these paint tech tips, practicing and trying to get off the ground selling paint jobs and cars as well. I also started up a different side project with Vince, it’ll be the first time that Ill step out as the singer of a band and Ill be the first to admit Im scared out of my mind. We had a session over the last weekend and it was a hit in the face that we need to practice haha I also recently got my college degree from UOP. Some bag on the school and others commend me for doing what I did; at any rate its an accomplishment none the less and Im proud of the work I did to get that degree. Will I ever use it now that I have it? Who knows, it hasn’t landed me a job but Ill be doing my own thing and pray that I can handle the payments.
As of the last few days Ive been on like a movie binge (those that know me know for a fact I have a hard time sitting still for longer than an hour) and it sort of seems like while Ive been making strides in my professional life, at least I think I am, my personal life has become almost dead outside of my neighbors. All the movies I have been watching, music I have been into lately, it all seems to have a reoccurring them and its Love. Like I had said in another post that I think my tank for anger is just about at empty and I find it so hard to listen to anything more than a few metal tunes and after that I feel like Im tired and I think Im just tired of being angry. I find myself wondering about my life that if I had made different moves, what things would have been like. Not so much regretting the past but just wanting to see other things, wanting to have that chance that I never had. More than anything else Im lonely and Im not sure if I could ever be with another woman again; don’t get me wrong there is one gal that Im head over heals for but its almost like what I gained in confidence in myself I lost it for others.
Even today my Dad just told me that a stress test he took last week, they found a mass or a blockage in his heart and all of a sudden I feel like crying because lets face it, he isn’t getting younger and Im not with anyone, I don’t have kids of my own, I don’t have a woman to go home a love, I don’t really have anything or hardly anyone and should the dark day come that my Father leaves this earth Ill have nothing..
So we come to this point in life where you learn, life is going to beat your ass to the ground, life is going to through everything it has at you to burry you along with every ounce of pain just to see if it can keep you down; its been keeping me down for a long time now. I think its time I start to make that change, a change that will help me get out of this hell and move onto the next chapter; Ive been on this long and boring one far too long and its time to move on. Ive used the excuse that I haven’t found the right one but Im just way to damn picky but at the same time that’s the way I feel I should be. I know how I feel and I know what I want, its just a matter of finding her.
I know that if I really wanted to find a gal I could but I just want to make sure shes the right one because Im sick of being alone dealing with some of the personal things that I am going through and IM really scared of what the future holds for me; I know for a fact I do not what go deal with it alone.
I had this sort of idea that if I was alone when my Dad goes, Ill just gas up my car and just drive where ever the hell the road takes me, live on the road and never come off it but that doesn’t sound good to me anymore.
At this point Im just babbling now and for today Ill call a quits to this post. Im just a mess right now and just need to wrench on some cars and listen to some music and get some more thoughts cleared up in my head.
What I have been screaming the last few weeks
Looking back at me
I see a weakness and fear
How everything was
How you broke me and took it all
When I should have seen it coming
Will I trust you again?
This time its different, Ive learned from our past
Cause everything that I lost
You took it all and left me to bleed
And everything I came to be is because I learned to believe
You do your best
To destroy what’s left of my life
But Ill do my best to take back whats mine
When I should have seen it coming
Will I trust you again?
Ill be damned to let you win
Cause everything that I lost
You took it all and left me to bleed
And everything I came to be is because I learned to believe
Everything aint what it was
Things have changed and so did we
Don’t ever think we can go back
Cause its gone just like me.
This year has proven to be quite the challenge; Ive had a wide array of ups and downs but already Ive started to notice changes that Im having trouble excepting. First of all, I am hell bent on getting started on building KITT, everyone knows that’s been my dream car since I was a little kid but this won’t be about cars as much as one of those personal blogs. It seems like this year I have really crossed over in an age area that I see it now.
Music is my first love, always has been and always will be but as Im writing music its really hard for me to find that pissed off angry kid I once was 8 years ago. Im finding harder to keep reasons to be pissed at those who have done wrong in my life; me and Vince sort of have that bro song that we share and one of the lines that really sticks in my head “inside that hate is gone, Ive held it for too long, you could be right but it doesn’t matter, this time the burdens gone, decided went to love” Its almost like I cant find a reason to write music that is angry like I once did so long ago and maybe that’s why Ive had problems with music because Im not being honest with myself.
Im not exactly sure what to do about this or where to go, maybe its time I use part of my goals this year to inspire a different side of music in me. I think the first thing to do when I get my car is just take the boys on a road trip. I think its time to do some of the things I couldn’t before.
This wasn’t planned out as a blog but another random blurb in a spur the moment sort of deal
